Dreams...

This was written on September 20, 2006... I wrote it and never posted it why I don't know... It's January 14, 2007, but it does show the day I wrote it as a post don't know why. Anyway here it is... I'll be posting soon about things going on in my life now... Take care...


Well I guess it's been too long, either I write a ton or I write nothing at all... Lately I have been in the rut, like a year rut. I don't know if it's me or everyone around me, but more and likely it is me who just has no clue. I thought things would get better as time goes on but lately it surely hasn't. I'm still looking, praying for a job, helping my brother recover from his accident, and wondering in general if life will ever end up happy for those around me and for myself.

I was always told to have dreams and always try to chase them. For a really long time I never believe that, dreams don't come true and I'm chasing the end of a rainbow that isn't there. For all I did to help others and make everyone happy I figured one day I would in return be happy. Yeah maybe not today, or tomorrow, but one day I was determined my life would find my nitch and life will fall into place. I can go on and on about things and why I am thinking this way but right now I can't disscus this in a blog. But I do know that I went from chasing a dream to living an unbelievable dream, and now I don't know if I have enough strength to hold on and fight for it. You might think if it's not worth it let go of it and move on, but how do you? How long is too long? Do I just need to learn how to let go? What do I do? Why is life like this? Why do I feel happy for everyone else, but so sad inside? Why do I care so much that at this moment I would give anything I can to make it better because I've been hurting inside.

Pipestem, WV

This is a picture I took while staying at Pipestem, WV from my room!! It's just as relaxing and great as the picture makes it look!!!

Well you would think after four and half years of college, an associates degree, and bachelor's degree, someone would know exactly what in the world they want to do for the rest of their life. Ummm.... WRONG!!! Yeah I've been graduated since December and still to this moment am wondering did I make the right choices. I thought I did and still think I do. It's strange you sometimes feel that you are the smartest person in the room and then sometimes you feel like you are the stupidest in the room, when you least expect it you end up feeling stupid. I went away to a conference and I meet so many people who are great and probably some of the smartest people I've ever met and got to talk to. Those people have made me realize that as long as I succeed and do what I want and feel confident in what I do then it's the right thing to do. Those who are close to me always told me that and pushed me along, but sometimes hearing it from an outsider is what one needs. I've decided to do somethings and hopefully if all works out I will be happy and be doing what I have been doing and LOVING it.

Life isn't always the easiest thing to have to deal with. Usually it is the biggest pain in the ass thing that anyone has ever had to deal with. I know I shouldn't complain because my life is no where as bad as some I've come across in my life. I think I have been pretty damn lucky over the years. With everything--- family, getting an education, graduating with a decent GPA, great friends who encourage me and let me know and feel as if I am really smart, even with my blonde moments( or red head moments) hahaha... and of course finding a great man who loves me and I know I take for granted and when he pisses me off I bitch about but in the end when it comes down to it I'd do anything for to make sure his happiness comes before mine...

When things start to get moving and things start to happening I'll update and of course fill in on my life and how things are going.... Take care...

What comes around goes around...

What comes around goes around.... That's how I see things anymore. If you are a good person and want to do good for you and others you will get rewarded. If you a mean person who is rude and inconsiderate of others you'll come back begging sooner or later for forgiveness for whatever reason. Hopefully those you hurt will be forgiving and are those good people that don't hurt others... I guess I always have thought this, I did good and I knew one day I would be rewarded for it. I have graduated high school, college with an associates degree and a bachelor's degree, have a great family who supports me, and a great boyfriend who is always there for me no matter what. Even though right now I don't get to spend everyday with him, but I do talk to him everyday and get to tell him I love you everyday!! But I know one day we will get to spend everyday together... But that takes time, time that young adults want to rush. Just remember in the end everything works out for the good and everything happens for a reason. Yeah some of those things make us mad, make us sad, and of course happy, but never forget the lessons we learn from each of those experiences...

I guess some of these things have been combined into one thing but hey why not its my blog...LOL Which I know I haven't updated in awhile, but Ann has me teaching and I'm slave labor since I'm graduated. But all in all, everything is well with me... Just needed to blog...

Night all...

Just a little bit of time has past...

Well I haven't been posting, mostly for the part that I've been hella busy. It seemed as if time flew from the last time I have written in my blog. With school, finals, the holidays, and me graduating there wasn't much time for anything. My holidays went very well, they came, I saw, and it was nice to have an uneventful, peaceful season for once. I didn't seem stressed this year for some reason. Of course I finished my shopping like the day before Christmas Eve but yet I didn't let myself get stressed. Truthfully this past semester I never really got too stressed. Also I did rather well too!! All four A's and one B, not bad for my last semester. As for the next chapter in my life I have no clue what to do. I need to take my test but of course I hate tests and freeze, but since I have nothing but time I'm going to study my ass off and take the test and pass. I did go for a job interview for a government job, I didn't get my hopes up of course. They said by the end of the year they would let me know and well its the first of the year and nothing. Oh well, it wasn't meant to be... That's how I look at it, no use stressing and crying about it. My dad, who is probably the best, told me before I went on the interview, it won't be the end of the world, you have nothing to worry about, so who cares if you don't get it. This is true, who really does, because something better will come along to my door and knock and will be for me. I now look at things in a brighter way, I have an associates and a bachelors degree... More than some ever will get. Well I just wanted to give a small update...

Love

When looking at Merria-Webster On-line (always good source for defining things), I found that there are 24 entries for the work LOVE. Kinda strange, how one word could mean so much and so many people use this word and not know the grammatical meaning... Well here it is for you...

Main Entry: ¹love
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lEof dear, Latin lubEre, libEre to please
1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates> b : an assurance of love love>
2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration love> b (1) : a beloved person : darling -- often used as a term of endearment (2) British -- used as an informal term of address
4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God
5 : a god or personification of love
6 : an amorous episode : love affair
7 : the sexual embrace :
8 : a score of zero (as in tennis)

²love
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): loved; lov·ing
1 : to hold dear :cherish
2 a : to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for b (1) : caress (2) : to fondle amorously (3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in <loved to play the violin>
4 : to thrive in loves sunlight>


When your in love with someone all those things are wrapped up into it and more wouldn't you say? It's so strange that two people who went 20,3o, 4o years maybe more maybe less for some with out knowing a significant other and hopeless fall in love with them.

Sometimes love doesn't always mean a 24-7 happy high. If we were happy all the time and never got mad at the one we love we wouldn't be able to make up and realize how great you really have it. I know I do every time I get in a fight with my hunny. Yeah we bicker and get pissed but we get over it, sometimes in shorter amounts of times than others. But hey who doesn't. I think being with someone all the time too can cause that eurge to fight. I know I get to see Jason not as often as I wish I could, but you knowevery timee I get to see him even if it is for five minutes I'm soappreciatede and so happy just cause I'm with him.

I guess for everyone it's different. Might not be the fairy tale they dreamed of or maybe it more than their dreams, but in any case love is what you make of it. If itsplatonicc or romantic it all holds meaning dear to your heart.

Some people may have had badexperiencess with finding the right person, I know I have. I believe you have to meet a few wrong people before you meet the right one. I'm lucky enough to find that right one and so glad I have!!!

Friendship....

What is friendship?? Does anyone really have a definition of it? Well Webster says it is the following:

1. The state of being friends 2. The quality or state of being friendly 3. To Aid

What do you think it is? I myself think it is someone who is there for you when you need them no matter what time of day it is. It's someone you can trust with anything big or small and they won't judge you or run and tell others about your own personal problems. Even if it is something meaningless. It's someone who you can call up and talk to for hours and not even realize that time has flown by. It's someone you can trust to be there when you ask them to be there for you and not make you wait or not just show up without calling to let you know. They are those who when you are hosting a party show up hours before the others who are invited and help you prepare and those who stay hours after the party to help clean. It's someone you can call up and be like you wanna take a ride and they don't think twice about where you are going, what they look like, and is waiting on the corner for you because they want to "hang out" because no matter what you are doing with them it's always a blast.

You maybe thinking to yourself you have one maybe two people in your life that are like this, maybe more, if you do your extremely lucky. It's hard to trust people now a days. Yeah I'm only 23 but I can honestly count the people in my life I can trust with anything on one hand and some over flow on the other. Those people are the ones who never have deceived me, hurt me, or thrown me to the side once they have gotten what they wanted. They aren't jealous, ashamed, or disrespectful in anyway to me or others who are important to me. They don't run and tell people things when I'm blowing some steam about a subject. I think a lot of friendship has to deal with maturity and experience. As you get older things change, people change... Why?? Because it's life, and life is unfair. Sometimes people are stuck in the high school world and always need that attention that they once had shining on them, or they just can't accept the fact that others have grown up and it's about time for them to.


We all have friends, some close, some acquaintance , some like siblings. Just remember to watch out for those you let in your circle, because if you realize it or not you give them trust and respect, but once they do something that hurts you or disrespect you it takes a lifetime to gain it back. Even then a lifetime may not be long enough. Just try not to let the bad ones in. Yeah that's hard because you never know which ones will be the best of friends to you and be worthy of your trust, but make sure you always let the good ones know how good they are. Because those good ones you can't replace.

This blog post has taken me awhile to write. I added more and more day by day. It seems as days go by you really see who is your friend and who isn't. I've come to realize the best things in any relationship is that you need trust, honesty, and communication with the one you have the problem with. If you truly are friends with someone you won't talk about them behind his/her back and twist facts around. If you are one of these people, I feel sorry for you, because you are trying too hard to fit in. You'll never be like or wanted around others if you stab them in the back. You may not think the truth will ever come out, but it does and always will, that's a fact. Oh and being two faced and denying it will never work either. Just remember if you do stab people in the back, watch out for those who you do, because some aren't so forgiving if you hurt them, they bleed, and will make sure your lesson will be taught!!