Dreams...

This was written on September 20, 2006... I wrote it and never posted it why I don't know... It's January 14, 2007, but it does show the day I wrote it as a post don't know why. Anyway here it is... I'll be posting soon about things going on in my life now... Take care...


Well I guess it's been too long, either I write a ton or I write nothing at all... Lately I have been in the rut, like a year rut. I don't know if it's me or everyone around me, but more and likely it is me who just has no clue. I thought things would get better as time goes on but lately it surely hasn't. I'm still looking, praying for a job, helping my brother recover from his accident, and wondering in general if life will ever end up happy for those around me and for myself.

I was always told to have dreams and always try to chase them. For a really long time I never believe that, dreams don't come true and I'm chasing the end of a rainbow that isn't there. For all I did to help others and make everyone happy I figured one day I would in return be happy. Yeah maybe not today, or tomorrow, but one day I was determined my life would find my nitch and life will fall into place. I can go on and on about things and why I am thinking this way but right now I can't disscus this in a blog. But I do know that I went from chasing a dream to living an unbelievable dream, and now I don't know if I have enough strength to hold on and fight for it. You might think if it's not worth it let go of it and move on, but how do you? How long is too long? Do I just need to learn how to let go? What do I do? Why is life like this? Why do I feel happy for everyone else, but so sad inside? Why do I care so much that at this moment I would give anything I can to make it better because I've been hurting inside.